Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Von Schill IS Chuck Norris!

I played 2 games of Malifaux last night using Von Schill - the mercenary leader of the Freikorps special forces group as an addition to my Kirai, Spirits of Vengeance crew.

He was the BOSS! Superb.. with a jump pack for flight, a free fast move (Nimble) and then able to move again and fire, he is very cool..

I was inspired to use Von Schill after I read the entry for the new Freikorps trooper - the Strongarm Suit in the 4th Malufaux book, Storm of Shadows...I then looked up Von Schill on the Wyrd Forums and found this thread..

Which was pretty funny. I thought I'd re-post some of the Von Schill quotes. Literally all ripped off from Chuck Norris jokes online..but funny nonetheless.

"Von Schill doesn't earn victory points, victory points earn Von Schill."

"Marcus only has beasts to use because Von Schill hasn't started hunting."

"Why no avatar of Von Schill you may ask? Simple. The Vatican don't want to Wyrd to create a false god!"


"Von Schill doesn't need objectives.... he IS the objective."

"Von Schill's Augmented boots do not make him fly up, they make the world of Malifaux move down"

"Ortegas wish they had Companion(Von Schill)"

"Von Schill is worth 100 points in Slaughter, but no one has ever managed to claim those points "

"Hulk Hogan based his character on Von Schill"


"Von Schill was actually known as the Techno Viking during his troubled youth"

"A connoisseur of fine wines, Von Schill eschews grapes in favor of the fermented tears of his enemies"

"Von Schill is so manly that his Moustache has a Moustache."

"Unbeknownst to most residents of Malifaux, the Breach is the direct result of Von Schill getting angry at the wind and punching it." lol

"Master's don't take Von Schill, Von Schill chooses to be hired. "

"Von Schill can kill jack daw without magic or focus" - that's simply not true.

"Spirits can not move thru Von Schill"


"Von Schill does not need to be a spirit to move thru models, he just uses his knife"

"No one knows what kinda counter Von Schill drops when he dies because he never has "

"VonSchill has only 2 speeds; Nimble and Kill. "

"Von Schill's attacks don't miss, he just chooses not to kill things right away "

"The only reason von schill's hunting knife is brutal is that the true description of his knife is banned in 46 states and 17 countries."


"the viktorias do not hire von schill, von schill hires the viktorias"

"Von schill hires the viktorias not beause he needs them but because he needs something to distract him or else he will destroy the world."

"Von schill fights the guild, neverborn, ressurectionists, and arcanists because he has nothing better to do since he destroyed godzilla."

"Malifaux spells GOD-> V-o-n-S-c-h-i-l-l."

"The breach opened the second time because Von Schill told it to."


"Von Schill tears can destroy the Tyrants. To bad he never cries. "

"Pandora's box holds nothing more than a picture of Von Schill."


"Soulstones are the result of Von Schill's sweat crystallizing"

"The black joker is scared to flip for Von Schill"


"Even fate would not dare cheat Von Schill"
These made me chuckle.. Any Von Schill fans want to add some more? Or if you are a Chuck Norris fans...well, here are the reasons you should change to being a Von Schill fan!

3 comments:

  1. The comic is untrue... How would the zombie bite chuck norris?

    ReplyDelete